the friend zone

Writing by burn on Thursday, 6 of October , 2005 at 7:55 pm

First off, if you don’t know what the Friend Zone is, you’re a fucking moron.

Okay, let’s assume that you are a fucking moron, or perhaps at least know the Friend Zone by some other definition.
The Friend Zone is a term used to describe a ‘zone’ a guy ends up with when a girl sees him as a ‘friend’ and nothing more. It’s the same crap all girls use on guys they like that they have no intention of sleeping with.

“I see you as a friend”
“You’re like a big brother”

those are usually the lines they use.
Basically, if a guy wants to hook up with some hot chick, but he messes up and acts all fucking nice and sweet like a goddamned puppy, then the girl sees him as nothing more than a ‘friend’, the guy is fucked and won’t ever be getting what he really wants from her, ass.
He is therefore in the Friend Zone.

I ask you women this…..as a guy, if I’m interested in having sex with you, why the fuck would I wanna be your fucking friend if you’re not going to have sex with me or have no intention of having sex with me?
Why?!
I’m dead serious. Do I like hanging around you because of your wit and sense of humor? Do I wanna hang around you because we have a lot in common? Do I hang around you because you’re giving me a female perspective to the world around me? Hell no! I’m hanging around you because I probably have this moronic belief that, one day, I will be able to bang you so long as I hang around you long enough for when the time comes. Really!
Girls, do you honest to goodness think I give a rat’s ass about your relationship with your boyfriend or your ex?
Do you really think I want to hear about it?

No way! The ONLY reason I could possibly think of to even WANT to listen to you bitch about your boyfriend or ex is to try and offer advice in hopes of sabotaging your relationship with him.

I’m sure I’m going to get a lotta heat for this from girls.
They’re gonna be like
“You’re wrong, I have a lot of guy friends”.
The answer to that comment is “Guys are your friends because they’re fucking idiots and hang around you in hopes of getting in your pants”

Nuff said.

Now, if you’re a hot chick and ask a guy something like
“Do you remain my friend because you want to get in my pants?”
I’m sure the guy will say “No!” or come up with whatever excuse he can come up with to keep you from thinking otherwise.
All you guys reading this, I’m sure you totally agree with me here. While you will never say it to a girl’s face that you’re only her friend because you’re hoping staying around long enough will eventually get you some of her ass, I’m sure you can silently agree with me.

Guys CAN see girls as friends.
Funnily enough, if a guy TRULY sees you as a ‘friend’, the guy is either gay, or he doesn’t want to fuck you (which means there’s something REALLY wrong with you), or there’s a girl much hotter/better than you that he has in his life that he doesn’t wanna lose by having sex with you.

It’s really not that complicated.

“Just because you’re a guy, what you believe in doesn’t automatically make you a good representative of what all guys think,” some girls will argue.

Of course that’s true. Not all guys are like me, but truth be told, MOST (ie: 99.99f all heterosexual males) of them are.

If you ask a guy “Would you remain my friend if you KNOW, 100Àthat we will NEVER EVER have sex?” they’ll STILL say yes because, no matter how much the numbers are stacked against them, they STILL believe they might have a chance.
You want to know how I know this?
Put a hundred guys in a room. Tell each and every one of them that they will be going out on a suicide mission and that basically each and every one of them will die. The mortality rate of that mission is 99.99ænbsp; I bet each and every guy in there will look around and think to themselves “I’m gonna survive. I’m gonna be that .01hat survives”.
That’s the way guys think. Against unbelievable odds, we truly think we have a chance. Okay, maybe not all guys think like that.
France still exists, afterall.

I wrote this rant here to shed light on you guys.
Why go against those unbelievable odds?
Because if you succeed where others have failed, you’ll appreciate your success even more?
If you want to, go right ahead. Have fun. Because i am happily involved, I dont have to deal with that crap, and when i was single i never really did.
And, no, I wasnt some coward running away from a challenge. I was merely being smart and walking away from wasted time, money and frustration.
You live once, so why you would WANT to put yourself through shit like that is beyond my comprehension.

The reasoning behind this rant is to help out my fellow Man.
Too many times I’ve seen my friends become nothing more than little pansies to some hot chick that consider him nothing but a ‘friend’.
As an outside observer, I can see things more clearly than some guy seeing tunnel-vision and believing he might get some fine piece of ass if he just hang in there in the Friend Zone for a little bit longer.
The problem is that, more often than not, you’re not gonna be getting any.
You need to see that, all the time and money wasted just being friends with some hot chick, could’ve been put toward going out and meeting other chicks and getting ass from those willing to give you some.
And if you hang around her because you believe she is THE ONE, then you’re fooling yourself.

If she is THE ONE for you, then that would mean you’re THE ONE for her as well and wouldn’t be her ‘friend’.

To all you guys out there that have realized you are in the Friend Zone, YOU are no different than all the other guys out there. WHAT in God’s green Earth makes you think you will not remain in the Friend Zone like most of the others out there? Do you have some special technique to get out of there? Well, if you do, how come you’re still in the there?
Maybe you’re in the Friend Zone with a girl you wanna have sex with because you like being there?

Okay, go ahead, tell yourself that.

To all you girls out there, do you really think a guy WANTS to be your friend?
When we see a hot chick walking down the street, we usually say some shit like “Man, I wouldn’t mind fucking her”.
These words never come out of our fucking mouths “Man, I’d really like to be her friend and expect no sex in return”?

That’s why the concept of a guy being friends with a girl he wants to have sex with seems a bit asinine.

I’m not insulting all you girls that have guy ‘friends’. Far from it.
You’re probably great.
I’m not some misogynist. I love women.
And no, I’m not bitter. I’m just telling it how I see it. I’m merely insulting the guys out there that’re willing to put up with your ’shit’.
What I mean by ’shit’ is the concept of being your ‘friend’ and basically providing you girls all the affection you crave but aren’t getting from the person EXPECTED to give you, your boyfriend or lover.

Basically, I’m trying to show these guy ‘friends’ of yours that they’re only being used….even if it’s subconsciously on your behalf.

Here’s a question for you guys out there: Which would you rather do? Blow shit up with M-80s with a friend or go to Bed, Bath & Beyond with a friend?
I’m sure most of you guys would rather choose the former than the latter. It’s because of most guys’ moronic belief that they might get some ass after they go to Bed, Bath & Beyond that clouds their judgment.

You’re better off not getting ass after doing things like blowing shit up than not getting ass after going to Bed, Bath & Beyond.

There are a lot of stupid guys out there.
There are guys out there that don’t even know they’re in the Friend Zone with a girl.
Here are some examples that should help clue you in. What’s funny is that the majority of you out there should be able to identify with some examples.

The girl says:
“You’re so nice”
“You’re like a brother to me”
“It’s so easy to talk to you”
“Can you help me with my homework?”
“I feel like we can talk about anything”
“It’s so fun being with you”
Those are some of the lines many of us guys have heard. There are other things that should clue you in.
You’ve spent quite a bit of money on her and never had any sexual contact with her. No, hugging and cuddling don’t count.
I’m talking about the contact that has something to do with your penis being somewhere on or in her.
You’ve probably had prolonged phone/email/IM conversations with her.
She’s undressed in front of you and thought nothing of it.
She has put on make-up on IN FRONT of you instead of putting on make-up FOR you.

Guys, do you ever wonder why girls seem to sleep with assholes but not with you, a nice guy?
It’s pretty easy if you think about it.
First off, a real man is a bit of an asshole.
Since the asshole basically acts like a real man, girls are attracted to him and he gets the ass.
A real man is a man that knows what he wants and isn’t wishy washy about his decisions. He’s a take charge kind of guy and doesn’t take shit from anyone.
Now the problem here is that the asshole could give a rat’s ass about how the girl is doing or what’s bothering her or whatever.
That’s where you, her ‘friend’ comes in.
Because the asshole won’t give her the lovey-dovey affection she wants, she comes to you for the attention and pampering she wants, but isn’t getting from the guy she’s sleeping with.

If you TRULY believe otherwise, you’re only fooling yourself.

What is the meaning for this rant? This rant is basically me, at this point in time, putting it in writing, my views on being a ‘friend’ to help my friends, get the fuck off their asses and get some play.

Guys, if you’re in the Friend Zone, you’re never getting out by biding your time.
You might be one of the lucky few that do get outta the Friend Zone by waiting, but it’s unlikely.
Time-wise and money-wise, you’re better off without her. It’s best to move on and find another girl. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

So, how do get out of the Friend Zone? That’s easy.

Stop giving a shit.

Of course, that requires growing a set of balls, balls not many guys have since their female ‘friends’ already have ‘em in a fucking vice-grip.

Break out the flamethrowers. Feel free to send me whatever flames/comments you want. I’ll be sure to post them up.

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