thank you for taking away my porche

Posted by Burn on May 31, 2006 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

I shake
I cry
I sweat
I worry
last night
10:00 pm till 7:00 am I worked
7:00 am till 7:20 am argued with jonquil
7:20 am till 9:00 am watched ncis
9:00 am till 11:00 cleaned the living room
11:00 am till 3:00 pm sleep
3:00 pm till 3:30 pm take jonquil to work
3:00 pm till 6:00 pm church shit
6:00 pm till 8:00 pm more shit for bills site
8:00 pm till 10:00 pm shit for my grandfather
when I lived in fairplay I grew bored…. I had nothing to do. so I vowed I would fill my life with trivial things to keep myself occupied
I have over done it
today jonquil and I argued about how she would get home from work
she gets off sometime between 11:00 pm and 1:30 am
at that time I am at work
I asked all my friends
none of them were willing to pick her up
she has to take a cab at $20 a night
$100 a week
$400 a month
that’s more than my house payment
that’s roughly the monthly payment of a 2002 porche carerra gt

just to put things in perspective

I asked if i could just buy her a scooter until she gets her license…. she didn’t like that idea

this month after paying all the bills I left myself with a $128 overdraft fee at my bank
I will be expected to make that up with my next check
also pay the house payment… electric water cable phone…. .you know whatever.

jonquil wont be able to help…. she has to buy stuff for work

compromise is not something that happens in this house

jonquil wants to move out
to be on her own
get her license and leave
go to school
work in network security
move to a new town
if I want to be with her I am expected to follow
that’s fine

I don’t know what i want
I don’t have the time to stop and think about it
I can’t talk to jonquil about it
without starting an argument
i dont know how to end this post

so im just going to do it with three periods

…

please dont take this post as an attack on jonquil…. it is not, in any way
there is just alot on my mind right now… things going on at home, at work…. and i have no way to let it out
i have no one to talk to about it…. no one to offer advice
writing is my outlet… all the things that have happened this week…
all of the issues i have tried to discuss with jonquil….

this is a way to sort it all out in my head