Jehovah’s Witnesses

Despite contrary popular opinion, Jehovah’s Witnesses do believe in Jesus. They don’t on the otherhand believe he is God. They believe that their God Jehovah Raised him up out of the grave. Which means Jehovah’s Witnesses believe in what the scholars call Zombie Jesus. They also believe that Jesus was not nailed to a cross but, to a steak. What type of steak has lead to many near schisms mainly between the T-boners and the Porterhouses.

This was settled by President Nathan Homer “ The Simpson” Knorr from a southern state. He officaly declared it to be a chicken fried steak.