hmm…
Writing by burn on Wednesday, 10 of October , 2007 at 4:30 am
My thoughts don’t make any sense anymore.
My actions are pitiful.
Why is it that when I’m not interested in a girl, I have no problems interacting with her?
Words, actions, and situations seem to flow out of me in such a way that Eloise and Abelard would be envious. Being eloquent has never been an issue for me. I am known for my ability to talk my way into and out of any situation. Be it a problem, a relationship… whatever.
But lately it seems my desire to respect the relationships of others is becoming an obstacle.
I was walking around the mall with Rebecca and this other girl we will call Tiffany…
We will call her that because that is her name.
I met Tiffany a month or so ago at Claire’s and I made the mistake of making this remark to Rebecca
“That Tiffany chick is fucking gorgeous!”
You may be thinking to yourself “now George you say shit like that all the time”
And you would be correct…. Thought this time it was alittle different… because she actually WAS fucking gorgeous… I would steal a pic from her myspace to prove it… but I cant be bothered to look for her myspace.
I may have a newfound respect for relationships… but I’m still lazy.
This is where the issue came in… Rebecca told Tiffany what I said… then Rebecca told me that she told Tiffany.
In the past this wouldn’t have been a problem for me. I have never cared whether or not someone in a relationship knew I found them attractive… but for some reason I do now… I cant explain why.
Now every time I am around this girl I turn into a blubbering idiot.
Since I know that she knows I find her attractive, I over analyze every word I say to make sure that I am not flirting… I don’t want to flirt because I don’t want to cause a rift in her relationship… even though I know full well that would never happen. Because of this I think I blew her off today… I’m not sure how she took it… I was very nervous.
Is all of this confusing you yet?
Good… because it’s been confusing me for months.
Has the fact that I have lived so much of my life as a flirt finally caught up to me?
Or after being in such a long relationship have I forgotten how to be a friend?
Where is that warm middle?
I have also noticed that I tend to blow off chances at relationships. If it looks like I could actually enjoy the company of someone, I seem to blow her off.
Here is another example:
There is a girl that works at the movie store that we will call Jill.
We will call her Jill because I can’t remember her name at the moment.
Everytime I go into the store she gives me the sweetest compliments.
But it never goes beyond that
Her: you look so cute in that shirt!
Me: thanks…. Later.
Am I afraid of commitment? I don’t think I am… I dream of having a love like Odysseus and Penelope
But does that exist outside of mythology?
Have I fell victim to Don Juan syndrome? Am I going to die still looking for the perfect woman?
And if the perfect woman doesn’t exist, is dying still looking for her worth it?
I have always said that failed romances were just distractions while you looked for the perfect person…
It used to be an original thought that made women go ‘AWWWW’ until rascal flats made that fucking broken road song…
But is it really true?
Are they distractions or are they preparations.
Short lived time killers preparing you for the inevitable… that this may be the best you will ever find… and slowly teaching you to settle for second best.
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Comment by Tiffany
Made Thursday, 17 of January , 2008 at 10:00 pm
She told me u said “cute” not “fucking gorgeous” either way it made me blush and realize that u are vision impaired or u have really bad taste
Comment by Rebecca
Made Saturday, 19 of January , 2008 at 12:00 am
you guys are f-ing hilarious! such modesty going around here, I’m glad you got over your nervousness George.. and Tiffany keep giggling, it’s cute! anyway- luv you guys!! -Rebecca
Comment by burn
Made Saturday, 19 of January , 2008 at 10:05 am
at least im staying noble 
