What follows is the outline of a post i made on brickhouseministry.com
the completed post was what i would consider the best religious article i have ever written. sadly it was too much for the church and they removed the post before i could save it.
this is all that is left… you’ll get the gist of it.
Sunday night I went with the youth group to Wendy’s after church. Somehow towards the end of our meal we started talking about sex. This is starting to be a regular occurrence and that scares me. I am never really sure what to say about the issue. I didn’t save myself for marriage, far from it in fact, so I sorta keep my mouth shut and listen.
Whenever this happens my mind tends to wander to a verse I heard once. The pastor was talking about a raising money for a building fund and he quoted this verse… I took it another way when I first heard it.
Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law.
I hope that in this post I can show you that this is an excellent post about love and sex, dating and marriage.
All I can say is hold on for dear life, because my only goal with this is to make you extremely uncomfortable by talking about the stuff that the church has been afraid to talk about for far to long, and to address it from God’s viewpoint.
So Proverbs says “Where there is no revelation (a more accurate term would be ‘vision’), the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law. “
I think we can all agree that our society has gone wild sexually and cast off all restraint.
I have noticed in my years of being a teenager, and my few years working with them, not only have teenagers cast off all restraint but the preaching and teaching that we are providing as a church is not getting the job done.
Our teens are no more prepared to date, than a teen who has never stepped foot inside of a church.
The teens that come out of church are having sex just as frequently as those who have never signed a ‘true love waits’ card
Think I’m not talking about your kid? I’ve talked to your kid… trust me… I’m talking about them.
This has made me do some soul searching over the last few months… because I believe I will be devoting my life toward helping students. It seems that sex is something that is widely talked about in church and it bothers me that something so widely talked about would have so little impact
I think I have figured out one of the reasons that the preaching we do does so little good in the lives of those who hear it.
The reason our marriages, dating life, and sex lives are no different than our cultures, even though we know the truth, is because typically our preaching and teaching has been based on restraint rather than vision.
DON’T HAVE SEX UNTIL YOU GET MARRIED!
YOU SHOULD NOT DATE THIS KIND OF PERSON!
Its all about restraint.
IF YOU ARE MARRIED YOU SHOULDN’T BE DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOUR SPOUSE!
But restraint without revelation leads to rebellion.
Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.
And proverbs 29:18 says that in any area of your life, particularity relationships (I believe) vision must come before restraint
Its my belief that if the church would do a better job casting vision for students, we wouldn’t have to counsel as many for teenage pregnancy, e wouldn’t have to hand out condoms at school, because they would be so gripped by their destiny that they have seen in God and they would fall in love with the future that God created for them that they will keep their hands off of each other, because they will not sacrifice their future on the alter of temporary sexual pleasure.
I want to paint a picture of your preferred future and convince you that God has seen far beyond your present stage in life and has prepared glorious things for you.
Have you ever watched a young couple date each other?
They are so serious about their relationship…. But they are 13
And you think to yourself… they don’t have a clue.
I was at Chic-fil-a the other day having lunch with a friend… and sitting on our table was a love letter that some boy had written to a 13 year old girl
I want to post that letter here…
This will be fun I promise.
I have not edited the letter for grammar or spelling
Terrah Victoria Beautiful Skye I love you so freekin much baby doll. I hope you have tons of fun on this trip you are about to go on. I know it will be fun to get away but promise me you wont forget about me, and remember that wherever you go you always have that pice of my heart and you will always have my heart you have grown into being a part of my family and I feel as if I have grown into your family I don’t care if NE1 says we wont last because I have big plans for us to go through life together. I know people say it wont happen but I know we can do it baby. I have never felt this way about anyone or anything in my entire life and it’s the best feeling and I will never let you go. You know im always here for you baby no matter what besides we are live a married couple terra hive grown so close to you in these past four months I know we have a lifetime together so I know I have tons to make up to you because of my bumpy start to our relationship but terrah baby I know I can make it up to you. The beach is going to be so awesome together waking up early in the morning staying out late on the beach at night its going to be the best thing that has ever happened to me except when I asked you out for the first time. Little did I know terrah baby but my life changed soooooo much. And I know now that I have met the girl I need and I want to spend the rest of my life with you I need you baby and you know you have me and im totally commited to you in our relationship together I cant wait to give you this promise ring its going to be the best feeling that I will ever expreiance its going to mean so much to us and I know we will last forever I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I never knew I could fall in love at this age and my love for you grows ever second I am with you or away from you terrah you are the ost beautiful woman that I will ever see you are so amazing and I am so glad that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you angel I love you so much AND I ALWAYS WILL I will miss you so much over these next to weeks but just think baby we have the rest of our lives ahead of us to share I cant wait to put that huge ring on your finger well I love you ill miss you don’t forget about me and call every day at least 2 times a day I love you and don’t forget you are most beautiful in sweats a tshirt and no makeup on
Congratulation eric… you are a moron
You may be asking ‘why are you making fun of eric?’ because Eric doesnt understand love
I hoped that I could use that letter to cast a correct vision of a relationship or marriage because where there is vision there is restrain and where there is restrain there is purity and where there is purity there is holiness.
So if you want to see holiness you don’t start out with a ‘thou shalt not’ list you start out by telling people wher god wants to take them and by infusing in them that the God of the universe implanted in them the seeds of greatness.
That’s how we can keep our kids pants on… by casting a vision from the bible of the beauty of marriage.
If we can cast a vision of love on our young people maybe we wont have to keep condemning them because we will be to busy inspiring them.
Remember when you were in school and the motivational speakers would come up and talk about abstinence?
Here was their whole sales pitch :
“don’t have sex before marriage you might end up like jenny who got AIDS when she was 13 and herpes when she was 17, then she had triplets.
All they did was scare the kids then three weeks later when the scare tactics wore off they were back to doing the same things again.
It takes a divine vision to grip the soul of a person we have to preach the vision of jesus
Marriage is about jesus
Dating is about jesus
Life is about jesus
Sex is about jesus
And to the extent that we can point the generation that is lost and struggling through a sea of mixed messages by the media to jesus
To the extent that we can rekindle in their hearts a vision of the greatness and glory of god in the institution of marriage. To that extent if we are able to paint that picture we will see a generation set free from sexual issues.
All by casting a
And here is gods vision for marriage
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
If you are single , and you are a woman, find a man that you can submit to like that, and settle for nothing less.
If you are a man, be a man who is so like jesus that you are worth submitting to like that
If you are a woman who is single, be a woman who is worth loving as Christ loved the church
And if you are a man, accept nothing less than a woman that you are willing to die for because of her character, not her breasts.
Im excited about this vision… because where there is a goal, a picture, and example worth following, people restrain themselves.
Of course… that’s just what the bible says.
Think every young lady… from age five up starts dreaming about a man who will love her like that, and the wedding, and the flowers, and the music.
And the guy around age 13 starts dreaming about the honeymoon.
But somewhere along the line, most young ladies settle for the first smooth talking guy who will tell her what she wants to hear.
Or the first guy who touches her and says “if you love me you will touch me back”
We all want a love that grows throughout the years but somewhere along the line some of us settle and before you know it we have given our virginity to someone with the spiritual maturity of a grasshopper.
You become what you behold, the vision you see directs the future you create
As I watched this my standards were being raised
How far is to far
Who cares how far is to far?
If you love that woman as christ loves the church you will keep your hands off of her because she is the daughter of a king.
After I asked jonquil to marry me, I began keeping a little notebook of advice.
I would tell married people that I was engage and ask them “if you could give me one piece of advice about marriage what would that advice be?’
I asked my grandfather
Hang in there no matter what
She is my wife
This generation doesn’t have that picture
They have brad and Angelina
They have people with lots of money and they are real sexy but they cant make a marriage last longer than 18 months
This is the vision this generations seeing
There are a couple of young ladies who come to this church that I am really protective of
I cant explain why
I think its because I have seen to many young ladies give themselves away so there is a part of me that wants veto power over any guy these girls would want to date… because I can see through all the crap that guys can lay down
Matt jamin and I were talking about nichole once
Nichole is single… but if you are a guy who wants to get to her you better have your junk together, because you have to get through the three of us first.
Then if you make it through us you have to go through bill
And he doesn’t like anybody ;)
So if you want to date nichole, that fine… no problem
But you better have the book of Habakkuk memorized
You better have a job
You better have some ambition
You better not be lazy
This girl is like my little sister in Christ and if you want to date her the biggest achievement on your resume better not be ‘beating halo 3’
I have sat through allot of sermons on relationships and I struggled with this post to find new ideas and new things to say
And it dawned on me that for many of us dating has become idolatry
Its not just sex
Its not just lust
It’s the need to be completed or to not be alone
And until you realize that no one can complete you you are committing idolatry
It’s a whole lot better to be single and lonely than married and lonely
So here is what you do
You rest your standard and settle for nothing less than Ep5 love