A black tank top

Posted by Burn on Apr 26, 2010 in family, featured, jonquil, kid, melissa | 0 comments

Black tank top, old jeans, necklace, ring…. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. How could someone like me, end up with someone like her?
There has never been anyone in my life who has shown me what a relationship should be.
My parents marriage failed after something like 16 years. Growing up in that house was hard… we had food… we had money… we had everything I could need….
we also had arguments… we had nights where my mother would wake me in the middle of the night to drive around St. Augustine searching for my father… who inevitably would be huddled around a motorcycle somewhere… or some bar.
I still remember that bar…
I don’t know why we went to that bar that night… but that place still sickens me.
All my grandparents taught me was this: “the man is the head of the household…DONT QUESTION HIM! In fact… don’t even look at him, if you leave him alone he may be civil for the night. And remember no matter what you do… you cant please him”.
I have always hated NASCAR… even as a child. I didn’t see the point of it. These guys drive around in a circle all day? Hell… I could do that. But my grandfather loved it. I remember trying to get into NASCAR just so I could have something in common with him. I remember coming home with boxes of NASCAR trading cards… I would memorize stats from the backs of cards… I would ask him about races… I remember opening one pack of cards and finding an extremely valuable card… the next time I went to see him I took him that card to show him… I remember him yelling at me, calling me a thief… accusing me of stealing the card from him…
it was just a card… a small rectangle made of cardboard.
I remember the manipulation of April.
The deceit of Amiee
The psychosis of jonquil.
The underhandedness of Laura.
I’ve had such a skewed view of love.
And it is all changing because of a black tank top, old jeans, a necklace, and a ring
Now I know that the man takes care of his family, not because he has to… but because he wants to. Because he loves his family… and wants nothing but the best for them. He doesn’t want them to have to worry… because they deserve an easy going life. They deserve honesty, respect, warmth, compassion and understanding.
They say that there is allot to lean from your childhood. They say it shapes you when you become an adult.
Whats the lesson I have learned from my childhood?
Don’t let your childhood shape you…

I hope my son will have all the things that I missed out on.
I hope he will have stability, friends, love, and warmth.
I will do everything I can to provide him with those things… and give him a childhood that he will look back on with pride.