Have Yourself a Merry Little Mixtape
fuck christmas.
download Burnstyle.net’s 2009 Christmas Mixtape!
kthxbye
Read MoreJehovah’s Witnesses
Despite contrary popular opinion, Jehovah’s Witnesses do believe in Jesus. They don’t on the otherhand believe he is God. They believe that their God Jehovah Raised him up out of the grave. Which means Jehovah’s Witnesses believe in what the scholars call Zombie Jesus. They also believe that Jesus was not nailed to a cross but, to a steak. What type of steak has lead to many near schisms mainly between the T-boners and the Porterhouses.
This was settled by President Nathan Homer “ The Simpson” Knorr from a southern state. He officaly declared it to be a chicken fried steak.
Read MoreMasters of the Univer….. you’re pregnant eh?
the time is 1999 or so…
id just eaten two hits of cheap blotter acid and was watching Dolph Lundgren and Frank Langella duke it out in Masters of the Universe.
my girlfriend called just as i was peaking, she said she was pregnant.
“what are you going to do?!?!?! how will you raise our child?!?!?”
i asked how it was possible since i wore a condom.
by this time the Tv was floating, the rug was vibrating, and i was going to be an 18 year old dad. yes i was a hallucinating retard. freaking out, running in circles (which was kinda cool cuz i figured if i ran fast enough i could catch myself) then i ran out into the night where i was chased by babies. babies who rose from the sidewalk, walls, the dirt…. babies everywhere. chasing me. i started to chase and kick the babies.
anyway the point of this story is, Masters of the Universe is the greatest movie ever, and she wasnt knocked up after all.
Read MorePart of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty
heather told me today that I should let out my anger
I should vent my frustrations
so I’m going to
and its going to piss allot of you off
George Bernard Shaw once said: No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means
and nothing could be more true
this past week I have been quoted one verse from the bible
one verse that explains away all peaceful teachings in the bible, all messages of love, hope, forgiveness, and humility.
Matthew 10:34
“Don’t imagine that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword!”
taking this verse at face value brings an image of god to mind
a wrathful god raining fire upon those who oppose him
destroying his enemies
reading it in context (with a little cross referencing) makes it clear that it is anything but a description of how Jesus is coming into this world or what mentality towards people he wishes to impose on his followers
you cant see this scripture and think of it literally
its not like Jesus is walking into a cookout saying “hey I come not bringing beer but chicken!!!”
- the sword is symbolic of the division of the people as a result of hismission
the parallel verse is found in Luke 12:53
“Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division.”
go… get your bible and read both passagesthey are the samepeople take their bibles and their religion to seriously
every Christian wants every non Christian, to become Christian… then jointheir church… and pay tithe
the top 10 religions of the world are - Christianity: 2.1 billion
- Islam:1.3 billion
- Secular/Nonreligious/Agnostic/Atheist: 1.1 billion
- Hinduism: 900 million
- Chinese traditional religion: 394 million
- Buddhism: 376 million
- primal-indigenous: 300 million
- African Traditional & Diasporic: 100 million
- Sikhism: 23 million
- Juche: 19 million
*it should be noted that Christianity contains all religions believing in Jesus, in one way or another
however oddly enough only Christians actively recruit members
you will never here a Buddhist yell “BE ONE WITH THE TAO OR BURN FOREVER YOU FUCKING FAG!!!”
attention class! raise your hand if you can tell me the one thing that keeps most people from becoming a Christian.
yes Tommy?
“other Christians”?
wow Tommy you are absolutely correct
other Christians hate anger and intolerance is listed as a major atheist publications top reasons people do not become Christian
but this post was supposed to be about me….
so what pisses me off about most Christians?
their inability to figure out which batch of text is literal and with is figurative
if you believe the bible is real because of faith… then nothing I say will make any difference to you
because you are a person who takes pride in believing in things that are hard to believe in
but if you need something more you have to cross reference the bible with the events that actually happened in biblical times
you cant rely on the bible
because, to quote penn and teller
“the bible contains an equal amount of fact, history, and pizza.”
like
genesis 6 11-13
Noah’s ark
there is no possible way that Noah could have put all 10 billion species of animals on a boat and distributed them appropriately, where the marsupials are all in Australia and so forth…. its just fucking retarded
its not a literal story, its a story about redemption and forgiveness. starting over. to try and read it literally is to miss the point of the story.
the Noah story is more than likely a metaphorical story based on an actual (albeit smaller) event
a flood on the Euphrates river around 2900 bc. one of the kings of the land named Ziusudra who took a commercial barge… loaded it with shit and road down to the Persian gulf
exodus 14: 22-31
Moses and the red sea
thousands of Jews are enslaved by an Egyptian pharaoh, oddly enough there is no evidence of that
so Moses (whom we also have no evidence of) comes to the pharaoh and says “let my people go”
pharaoh says no
why wouldn’t god appear to the pharaoh and say it himself? because go works in mysterious inefficient and painstakingly cruel ways.
once free Moses leads his people to the red sea and parts the water like pages in a book
these people supposedly wandered around in the desert for 40 years. there is absolutely no archeological evidence that this ever happened.
you would think if thousands of people lived in the desert for 40 years they would leave behind some trash, dead bodies… something…. these people must have either been
1 neat freaks
2 gay men
3 metaphorical
there is no evidence that a man named Moses ever even existed
the gospels
there’s this guy
says he is the son of god, that he will change the world and can heal the sick, raise the dead, make the blind see. his followers claim that he has performed all of these miracles
he was persecuted by the roman government for his beliefs, was crucified, and then raised from the dead and appeared to his followers
his name?
Apollonius of Tyana
I should say that very very few historians doubt the fact that Jesus existed
hell I don’t doubt it one bit
here is my argument
the bible, in and of itself cannot be a basis for belief…. because it is inaccurate on so many levels
hell we cant even agree on who wrote it just that it was “inspired by god”
but what about the other gospels that we are now finding that aren’t in the bible?
the core of the cannon came from the usage in biblical church.
not from relevance
not from accuracy
it came from people asking “what is your favorite story?”
many of the gospels we are finding now contradict, explain away, and elaborate many of the stories we are used to hearing today.
you can think whatever you want about what I have said
frankly I don’t care
my beliefs are not weak enough that your opinions can change them
but don’t try to take one thing literally without taking it all literally
and when taking it all literally be sure to keep these verses in mind
exodus 35:2 35:2 Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, asabbath ofrest to the LORD: whosoever doethwork therein shall be put to death.
Romans 1:29-32
29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
31 Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.
1 Corinthians 14:34
“Women should be silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, but should be submissive, as the law also says.”
Mark 9:43
“If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed, rather than having two hands, to go to hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched.”
Deuteronomy 23:2
“One of illegitimate birth shall not enter the congregation of the Lord.”
if you believe that the bible was truly inspired by god, and god is infallible
then you cant throw out some of the rules, just because you don’t like them
it isn’t our job to judge people
it isn’t really our job to judge the bible
the bible is a book
its a series of pages strung together and bound
your belief structure is in your heart
your god tells you what is right and what is wrong
if we could get passed what we “think” is right
and listen to our gods. maybe we could finally understand this
Matthew 22:37-40
“Jesus said to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
Gandhi said “God has no religion”
just a little something for you to think about
Read Moreburns mixtape of love
dear readers,
this is Troy,
Troy really loves his girlfriend Melissa.
really loves her
allot
so much in fact, for their six month anniversary he made her a 14 minute long message of love.
she broke up with him 3 days later, then got a restraining order against him
awww
you can here his message of love by clicking here
troys mix tape of love
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Troy’s love inspired me to make my own mixtape… to the person I love most in this world… you can listen by clicking here
burns mixtape of love
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Read MoreATDT$#>>>>#*!**!*@312.2.. Return of the Baud
ATDT$#>>>>#*!**!*@312.2.. Return of the Baud
Today was the first day I have dialed out in about a year. I
look back and remember the different times I went through to dial
out.
My first modem was a External Hayes 900 baud. I never knew how
much those initiation tones stuck in my head, how much they played
a part. A significant role to which I am proud of, and much appreciative
of. Today while I was dialing out, it was like a flash back on acid. The
monochrome view, ASCII character filled days of the BBS. FIDO… oh yes.
What is still remains the same, is my days are still filled the same
way. Reading text files, learning new shit, writing text files…
Its a life style.
Odd.
Today dialing out is becoming more and more uncommon, that with the
high bandwidth connections, and fast paced face of technology. Someday
dialing out will be obsolete. Will those who remember like I do pay
tribute to the ATDT command?
Most will forget, but I shall hold a memorial service….
Read MoreAbout Me
Having grown up in the sweltering Florida heat, George enjoys staying indoors, and air conditioning. A Level 7 Elvish Photoshop Mage with +10 Dropshadow Power, George specializes in visual design & interaction design — two fancy terms he uses to make himself sound important and to explain that he cares about both how things look and how things work.