It’s been a few months since your mother and I split up. Since then you and I have moved to Florida, and bounced around between my mothers house… my fathers house… and johns house.
Life has been rough, yet rewarding. You have met new friends, and had experiences you wouldn’t have had if we had stayed in South Carolina. So far I haven’t regretted the move in the slightest.

So… Here is where I need to update you a little bit.

About a month ago i had to go back to South Carolina to solve a problem your mother was having with a friend of hers… During that time i learned that shortly after we left your mother started seeing the man she cheated on me with, again. they built a quasi-relationship, and then she broke up with him… for reasons im sure you will hear about later on… if you ask that is.
Your mother and i started talking… like humans… like adults… something we hadn’t done in a very long time. We laid our issues out on the table and solved a lot of the problems we had been having for the past few years.
Most of those problems had to do with us lying to each other. I had been lying about how i found out your mother cheated on me… and she had been lying about various aspects of their relationship.
We both came clean… We told each other the full truth, and in the process became friends again.
Knowing that most issues were resolved i felt comfortable coming back to Florida… so i packed and prepared to leave… then your great grandfather passed away.

I’m going to stop for a second and tell you some things about your great grandfather… these are things that i never want you to forget.
He loved you, possibly more than he loved anyone else. He once said that you were the only member of the family that hadnt lied to or stolen from him… you made him happy whenever you were around.
Two days before he died i spent a few hours talking with him, he asked about you… looked through some pictures, watched some videos, smiled, laughed… it was amazing. Before I left for the day he asked me to bring him some cheetos.

The last thing my grandfather said to me was “I could use some cheetos”

I spent the next night sitting at the nursing home with him… all night.
Every breath he took scared the shit out of me… i was afraid it would be his last…
Though…
He died the next night… while me, your mother, and her friend bradlee were eating taco bell and talking about bradlees boyfriend, and his commitment issues.

My mother brought you down with her for the funeral… you went to the viewing, and while everyone was crying, you were playing with dale earnhardt and a kyle petty hot wheels cars.
I will never forget the irony of watching you push a dale earnhardt car into the wall of a funeral home.

You met every member of your family that night. Everyone loved you.

I’m getting side tracked… back to my story.

After your great grandfather passed I was forced to stay in South Carolina for a few weeks, and during that time your mother and I decided to try and work out our problems and bring our family back together again.
Your mother decided to move to Florida so that we could all be together, but… the move is going to take her a few months…

So now I am here with you, and she is there with Bailey… and the separation is causing problems.

You see… I still have trust issues… Everyone i talk to says that is completely normal… and i think so too, the problem is my issues are causing me to act very paranoid.. and frankly like an ass.
For a long time during the arguments your mother and I had, I would feel so ashamed of myself… and the situation our family was in, that i would say things that were mean to your mom. I would remind her of what she did, and how it destroyed our family, and how it was all her fault. When in reality… none of that was true.

Relationship problems are never one sided… no one person is ever fully at fault. Our family split up… and that was as much my fault as it was hers… It took me a long time to realize that.
So now i am used to arguments… I expect every one of our conversations to lead to an argument, and i get very defensive. Hell… I start most of our arguments. I don’t mean to… I don’t mean to make your mother feel bad. I’m just sort of used to that. I’m used to her hurting me… then me hurting her back.

Let me tell you this… your mother has hurt enough.

Believe it or not but there was a time in our relationship where your mother and I had never argued… never raised our voices, never even really disagreed.
I want to get back to that point… but before i can do that I need to be able to see your mother the same way i used to. As a beautiful, perfect partner. A strong, kind, and loving mother.
To do that i have to let go of the past.
And as of today… that is what i will do.

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My grandmother died before she could meet you… and i regret that…. because she would have adored you. You would have been able to know her love. The warmth that only she could provide. If only she had not been a smoker.
At this point, everyone in your life is a smoker. your parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts.
Yes, even me.

I don’t want you to have to feel that you lost someone too soon.
So, as i am writing this i am smoking my last cigarette.

I am quitting because i love you, and want to be in your life for a very long time. I hope that i am not too late.

Though if something should happen, know that everything will still be alright.

You do not have much time in this world, we all die suddenly. Embrace your ideas. Make them a part of you, but tread cautiously… because if you are not careful you may become them. They may turn you into a person that you never thought you could be.

I have often pondered the meaning of life. Why are we here? What is the purpose of our short, rather insignificant lives? After many late nights of introspective contemplation… this is the closest thing to an answer i can come up with. Live your life so that you may make at least one other person truly happy. If everyone were to live this way, there would be peace.

With Love,
your father.

me= sure… id love to chat
you do know however that ****** warns people about users who have no photos “No picture found. Be suspicious.” :P
also when there is no picture people tend to assume the worst…
i dont however… because it really makes no diffrence to me.

her= You can see pics of me on myspace
www.myspace.com/******
the only pics of me on there are from my wedding and thats why i felt they would be inappropriate for a dating site. my profile is private so you’ll have to send a friend request. i log in everyday so i’ll be sure to approve you.

me= so i have to ask… why is a gorgeous married woman on *****?

her= I left my husband 2 months ago because he’s…alot of things. Made a rash decision to marry him. Biggest mistake of my life. I want to meet someone who can treat me right.

her= I actually live in Lavonia right now. I only lived in Easley while I was with my husband. I am between jobs right now, when I left Easley it made the commute impossible. I hated to give up the damn good money though. I was a sales manager for the biggest Aaron’s store in the entire company. Very demanding. I interviewed last week at a title loan company in toccoa. I should be hearing from them monday.
So you left out the part about the other place you worked..whats up with that? Come on you can tell me. And what do you do for a living now? I take it you travel sometimes.
Anyway I hope I can catch you online sometime so we can chat. i’d like to learn more about you.

me= well… i managed the strip club in lavonia for about a year. after that i worked at dads… then did some webdesign work for a church here in anderson.
now i work as a meter tech for duke energy. i do have to travel sometimes… but not often.
from what i have seen… it looks hard to find good work in lavonia, i hope everything works out for you.
by the way..
my messenger names are
yahoo= *******
aim= ********
feel free to message me anytime :)

her= Hey whats up? I’m about to go to bed just thought I would drop by and tell you good night. Can’t wait to see you Tuesday.
talk to you later.

her=
ok this sucks really bad but I have really tried to go to sleep and its not working. i hope you are resting well. my mom wants me to go look at a house for us tomorrow. the ad sounds pretty good. so i’ll go check it out. i’ll be stuck taking a long ass nap in the morning after i take bailey to daycare. tonight bailey dumped ALOT of water on the floor while she was in the bathtub,, i had to get the steam cleaner out to clean up all the water. Maybe i shouldn’t let her have cups in the bath tub anymore. That was probably the most excting thing that went on around here today. I’ll probably play some more movie trivia things on myspace and head back to bed. my stomach is growling, so I am going to go fix me a sandwich or something. I am really looking forward to you coming to see me tuesday. we’ll find something to do i’m sure. maybe give you the grand tour of lavonia ha ha. i can’t believe i wasnt able to go to sleep, alot on my mind i guess. having trouble shutting my mind off. anyway i hope to talk to you tomorrow night sometime.
melissa

I am finally awake from my nap and its almost 3 in the afternoon. kinda fun to think about what i was doing 12 hours ago. i hope you got enough sleep last night. i also hope you are having a good day at work. All the weeds and the grass in the front yard was magically cut when i woke up a few mintutes ago. I’m confused. I didnt hear the dog barking or a lawn mower, and I KNOW it wasnt like that when i got home this morning. Maybe it was the landscaping fairy. Or I bet my mom hired someone to come do it since our weedeater is messed up. If she would’ve told me someone was coming by I would’ve brought the dog in. Oh well its done now. That was really sweet of you to call and make sure I didn’t get lost. I had a lot of things going through my mind on the drive home. Good things so don’t worry. Well I guess I need to get off my ass and do something. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you this: last night I left Bailey alone in the bath tub, and this time, instead of dumping water out of the tub, she dragged by laundry basket into the water. I walked in there and clolthes were soaking wet and a half empty basket floating in the tub. I luaghed my ass off, but if she had been older, she would’ve been in SOOOOO much trouble. Pretty funny. Well I’m gonna hop off here. I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow night. Let me know when you get home and me and Bailey will come see you…
melissa

and the rest is history.

it didn’t go away.
so yesterday we took you to the emergency room.
Dr. Swaverly looked after you. she has sort of been a family doctor… it seems like any time your mother sister or i have to go to the E.R. we are seen by Dr. Swaverly.
it didn’t take long for the doctor to make a diagnosis, she feared that you had pyloric stenosis and she scheduled an ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis.
today we brought you to Greenville hospital and had the diagnosis confirmed…
now… let me tell you what pyloric stenosis is

your stomach has a muscle that connects it to your small intestine, and that muscle has become narrow… so the doctor has to go in and split the muscles.
everyone i have spoken to has said that this is a simple surgery… the surgeon that is doing it does about one a day. they say not to worry.

we are still worried.

as soon as we got to the hospital the nurses came to give you an iv and drain whatever fluid you had in your stomach…. this took almost an hour.
apparently you don’t have defined veins….

because of that i would not suggest heroin.

they had to stick you about 7 times in various places on your arms and legs… until finally the nurse supervisor came in and gave you an iv in your head.
they literally put a rubber-band around your skull and then found a vein.

are you curious about what you look like?

i can honestly say that sitting through that was the hardest thing i have ever done… knowing that you were in pain, you didn’t understand why, and i could do absolutely nothing about it.

since then all you have really done is cry. you haven’t eaten in almost 24 hours… and we cant feed you. you cry because you are hungry… and we cant do anything about it… eventually you tire yourself out and fall asleep for a little while.

you are crying again… so I’m going to go try and calm you.
your surgery is set for 9am tomorrow…. good luck little guy.

on Dec 5th at about 9pm your mother started having contractions… they were around 5 minutes apart… and didn’t hurt very badly, so she decided to sleep them off and see how things were the next morning. you weren’t due until Dec. 26th so we weren’t worried to much… we figured she was having braxton hicks contractions, and that everything would have stopped by the morning…
they didn’t.
so on the morning of the 6th we headed to the hospital.
after the doctors checked your mother out they decided that it would be better for her to labor at home for awhile… so they sent us away with some pain meds and told us to come back if things got worst.
well… things eventually got worst.

about 9pm we headed back to the hospital.
your mothers contractions were happening so fast, it seemed that a new one would start before the last was over.
the doctors gave your mother an epidural and told her to get a little rest… they said that you wouldn’t be coming until early the next morning… they said that they would be back around 2 to check her cervix and see how much longer it would be.
the nurse came back at 12:30, check your mother, found out she was at 9cm and her water had broke.
you were coming sooner than we thought.
i ran outside to make all of the phone calls… my mother and father, melissas mother, i sent text messages to all of my friends, then i ran back up to the room.
by the time i got back there were people everywhere… everyone was set up and your mother was already pushing.
ten minutes later you were born.
curious what happened when you were born?
well here you go.

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after that the nurses took you to clean you up. i went outside and had a cigarette and sent a text to all my friends.
the text said:
“ITS ALIVE!!! jason dean ward 5lb 10oz”

it was about 1:30am when i got back into the room… and since your mother and i had been up for two days straight we both promptly went to sleep.

i spent the next day taking pictures and running errands. between the doctors and running around i didn’t really get to spend much time with you.

4:00pm
that’s when the call came in.

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i didnt get back to the hospital until 11:00pm.

well… i just went to sleep.
the next day was a blur… running errands, and keeping your mom happy was my number one concern. the doctors were worried that you weren’t eating enough, in three days you lost 5oz… so they decided to keep you in the hospital an extra day.

the morning that they sent you home, we packed you in the car and turned on a beatles album…

the first song you ever heard was ‘here comes the sun’

we rode around for awhile showing you off to some of the people i grew up with.
first you saw Mrs. Hill, she was a lady that lived next door to my grandparents for 30 years or so.
then you saw my grandfather.

you and papa

i asked him what he thought of you and he said “he looks strong and healthy… which is good because soon hes going to have to find a job.”
the man has a strange sense of humor.
when we left my grandfather melissa got a call from her mother… apparently her sister had found lice on baileys head and they needed me to drive back to rock hill to pick her up.

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this pretty much wraps us your first few days on earth…

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