miracles

the comedy of failures

Posted by Burn on Sep 16, 2009 in bible, God, miracles, religion, stupid | 0 comments

try to imagine that you are god…
you have your plans all laid out…. but things just dont seem to go right
when i think about it… i imagine it goes something like this:

“ok, today i think i will create a planet… and populate it with two people….
done…. i have created adam and eve…”
“alright guys… since i created you, i am your lord and master… im going to give you all the freedom you need… you only have one rule… dont eat the fruit off this one tree….”

“Damn… its…only been a couple of days and you already disobeyed me!!!”
“maybe i should just kill you and start over…. nah… ill just kick you out of the garden.
and we will keep on going”

*several years later*

“wow things arent getting better, they are getting worst… now they are murdering each other… rape… slavery… homosexuality… this place is worst than Vegas!… screw it im going to flood this place and save just the best family…
which one of you fuckers is the best?”

“you! Noah! the sorry drunk with three sons , go and build yourself a boat. we will save you and your family… screw everybody else!”

so we flood everything and start over… we hit gods reset button

“ok now that that is over with i want you guys to go and populate the earth again
like the first group that i…. are you drunk again? AND NAKED?!?! well at least your son brought you some clothes… oh no dont curse him to be a fucking slave to all the rest of them, just because he tried to hide your cock!…”

*then a little while later some of them have built this tower*

“hmmm they think they can build this tower to reach me… how arrogant of them…
screw it!
lets confuse all their languages…”

“and instead of having the whole world worship me im just going to pick my favorite tribe ….
hey you guys… you’re my guys… and im going to make all these promises and… wait, what you got enslaved?”
“oh alright well ill do a whole bunch of miracles and lead you guys out of slavery… oh and by the way moses… come up to this mountain i want to talk to you for a minute…”

“here are some rules i think might be pretty good… take them down to my peop…..ARE THEY WORSHIPING ANOTHER GOD ALREADY?!!?!?!”
“….what the hell is wrong with these people”

“WHY CANT I DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!?!?!?!”

“i know what ill do…
ill just kill myself… to myself……”

don’t you think there is something weird going on when you have to sacrifice yourself, to yourself, as a loophole for rules you created?
the bible is a comedy of failures by god.

christians are stupid #1: miracles

Posted by Burn on Jun 7, 2009 in God, miracles, religion, stupid | 7 comments

ok lets assume that Jesus was a man… born of a woman, that makes him a human being. it makes him a physical thing… a part of this world.
since he is a physical human being he is subject to the same laws of physics and nature, that all humans are subject to.
meaning he felt pain… heat… he could not fly, or see in the dark, he could not defy gravity…

miracles defy all laws of physics.
only something outside of the laws of physics can defy the laws of physics… meaning jesus had to exist outside of the laws of physics…

but he was human…
so he couldn’t exist outside of the laws of physics…

therefore….

Jesus was not real.
or
Jesus did not perform miracles…

so which one is it… is jesus fake… or is he a liar?
pick one.

Christians used to say that god defied the laws of physics… since god created the earth he created the laws of physics…once it is pointed out the jesus (being human) could not defy the laws of physics, there is usually some circular argument that god can do whatever he wants… whether it makes sense or not.
due to recent advancement in the study of the theory of quantum physics christians are finding whole new ways of explaining how jesus could preform miracles.

take this quote for instance
“According to quantum mechanical theory, walking on water is entirely possible although very highly unlikely. This is because sub-atomic events are probable not certain. What physics calls random chance, we call God.”

or layguys “God exists in 11 dimensions”

you see… science is not all knowing… there are gaps in our understanding of certain things… like quantum mechanics, christians like to use god to explain the gaps in our scientific understanding… its called ‘the God of the Gaps‘ thankfully as we have began to more fully understand the nature of our universe… those gaps are getting smaller…

soon there will be no place left for your god to hide.