letters from the past: Jennette Kelly
(editors note… this letter was written in 1995 with a highlighter on two envelopes)
Dear george, uh, i miss you + crunch (i miss shane) right now im trying 2 get off my pants off. i just made some LIME green jello and im ready for an orgy now. mabye Dale + Shane can go at it together and we can watch! that wood be cool!!! then i would join in and U being God + crunch could 2!! that WOOD be cool. hey i got a secret, the Feds told me. i guess i could tell you, cuz ur God and crunch and, you know, God knows everything and stuff already so im gonna tell. readie?
The aliens are coming SHIT there coming 2 kill bill clinton WOAH!! the sky is falling my pants are down tinkle tinkle, twinkle twinkle little star aliens ALIENS!!!! i see their ship, no shit look over there, see it!?!?! oh God, no… oh George there is a, the grass is talking 2 me. it says NO!!! Dont sit on me dont chop off my head, the hurting the hurting, i swear, no shit…..i swear to lucifer, no i swear to God, i swear to YOU, i swear to George Lord George (hey i wish i had a penis, i wish i had shanes penis, i would bite it off and eat it. i like pickles, no i like limes, limes are good, no i would bite it off and keep it in a jar hermaphadite… crunch crunch goes the cereal, i like cereal cereal with peanuts, i dont like peanuts. shane likes peanuts… not his own of course, just regular nastyknappyass peanuts. i guess peanuts are good 2 talk 2.
hold on let me get a peanut…
WOAH that peanuts really talking 2 me!!! hmm thats soft. i like soft stuff. shane’s soft. squeeze the charmin.
hey, idea, new list,
george i miss youand stuff and crunch and woah and WOAH and woah and bzzz and squish and splat and splosh and zip and mooo and bahh and skimmie rin de dink de dinkand meow and bark and oink and achoo and poop and pimp and WARF and blub and ca-ca and YES and yeah and Yeah! and YEAH!!! and boink @ and splong and flubber and schwiiiing and fart and NARF and i love u, u love me were a happy FART and smack and pop and boom and REFFER and crank and scnhopps and ring and ding dong and lick and spit and swallow and lick some more and lick shanes butt in bed with the lights on and my socks off and your little dog too in bed with barney
the end
i wonder what barney could do with that tail only one way 2 know and George im gonna throw up its that god damned food poisioning again REEEEFFER in the herbs… herbs herbafrodite
my cats yelling at me. cats are stupid. kill a cop for jesus
squeeze the charmin…
hey guess what i love shane and im gonna go pee off the deck now
HAIL LORD GEORGE!!!
p.s. squeeze the charmin
love,
Jennette REEFER.
Dear Jack Thompson, could you kindly FUCK OFF?
last week Jack Thompson offered to come to Electronic Arts assistance in their attempt to try and buy-out Take-Two.
Today Electronic Arts told Jack thanks, but no thanks:
Mr. Thompson,
We have received your letter to EA’s shareholder site. In response to your offer to assist in the proposed acquisition of Take-Two, we would strongly prefer that you not get involved in this matter. EA is a strong supporter of creative freedom for game developers. We feel that your past statements – including false claims about content in our games – make any collaboration with you impossible.
Sincerely,
Mariam Sughayer
Sr. Manager Corporate Communications
Electronic Arts, Inc.
Wow, that’s about the nicest fuck off I’ve ever heard. Now get back to the kid’s table Jack, the adults have to talk about important things.
Read Morechildhood…
when i was a child i used to have an imaginary friend.
i used to talk to him and think that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff.
and then i grew up…
and i stopped going to church.
Read Morewhat i learned from ‘dan in real life’
obsessive stalker types are sweet and get the girl.
Read MoreAbout Me
Having grown up in the sweltering Florida heat, George enjoys staying indoors, and air conditioning. A Level 7 Elvish Photoshop Mage with +10 Dropshadow Power, George specializes in visual design & interaction design — two fancy terms he uses to make himself sound important and to explain that he cares about both how things look and how things work.